With the sad passing of J.D. Salinger a couple of weeks ago, the Hollywood hounds are barking at the door of the, until now, firmly locked safe containing the film rights to his most celebrated novel, Catcher In The Rye. The author always insisted that the text should not, and could not be adapted as most of the book is Holden Caulfield’s thoughts rather than filmable set pieces. Yet this has obviously not stopped many of the biggest names in Hollywood wanting to project the most revered tale of American adolescent alienation and existential angst onto to the big screen for the last fifty odd years.
Now, they finally smell their chance and are salivating at getting their hands on what would be the Holy Grail of American novel adaptations. But which current filmmaker is culturally sensitive and talented enough to handle such a classic, and which young American actor today has got the chops to subtly portray the nuances of Holden?Here are a few of the possible (and not so possible) candidates, plus synopses of what their versions would entail were they to take the helm.
1. Wes Anderson and Jason Schwartzman (featured above)
The clearly Salinger obsessed Texan émigré’s dream comes true as he gets the chance to film the story from which he has been plundering various aspects for all of his previous œuvre. However, having presumed that after the release of Bottle Rocket in 1996 the reclusive novelist would undoubtedly declare him to be his natural cinematic successor and be clamouring for him to take Catcher to the cinema post-haste, Anderson wrote and cast his screenplay that same year. He decided Jason Schwartzman would be his Holden but to his disbelief no call came from the author. To pass the time until his destiny materialised he made Rushmore, then some films with thinly veiled copies of the Sallinger’s Glass family creation, before imagining what classic British children’s literature would have been like had it been written by his hero.
Finally getting his hands on the rights, the corduroy suited cineaste is so excited that the project is coming to fruition, he fails to notice that the actors he originally cast are now a decade older and Schwartzman verging on thirty. Many loyal fans of the book are also unhappy at the choice to have this rather mature looking Holden accompanied at all times by the old teacher Mr Spencer, who in the novel only appears at the beginning. Anderson explains that it was a necessary decision: it was the only way he could think of enabling Bill Murray to keep popping up with snippy witticisms throughout the film.
2. Steven Spielberg and Zac Efron
The producers feel that a big name book calls for big names on the poster and that the story could do with being thoroughly doused in sentimentalism. Spielberg and Efron get the nod. But after a couple of weeks shooting on location the director comes to the conclusion that New York is lacking something.
It doesn’t look real enough. “I realised that the only way to make New York truly look real, to make it look like it really existed, was to recreate it as CGI. Then, I thought that Zac seemed to have this flesh and bone thing going on, and I just couldn’t see how the audience would relate to that. He needed more of a digital quality about him; so we CGIed him too. Finally, the only way we could really get the audience to be immersed in the conflicts of Holden’s mind; his desire to talk to his little sister without contacting his parents, his feelings of betrayal and alienation etc., was, of course, to shoot in 3D.”
3. Greg Mottola and Michael Cera
The studio deems that modern teen audiences need an easier-going modern type of awkward teenager to relate to, and that Salinger’s Holden is just a bit too miserable, lacking a geeky self-effacing charm and in dire need of knowledge of anti-folk bands.
Michael Cera is signed up straight away. To create this new lighter tone to the tale Superbad, Adventureland and sometime Arrested Development director Mottola is appointed because he knows Michael. The adaptation is a laugh-a-minute riot that keeps the audience wondering right until the end, will nice but nerdy Holden get the girl?
4. J.J Abrams and Anton Yelchin
J.J. Abrams reinvents a cult piece of mid-20th century American fiction for the new millennium with lots of flashing lights, less dialogue and more action. What’s with all the words? No time for all that in the foot to floor 21st century. No siree. It’s got to be go, go, go.
BIG BANG! BRIGHT LIGHT! Quiet sound. THEN BIG BANG AGAIN! Is Holden really in New York? Or is it a parallel New York? Why does he keep going through worm holes and ending up back at school before he was expelled? What’s Leonard Nimoy doing there as future Holden? And why the hell is the city full of hatches?!
5. Michael Bay and Shia LaBeouf
Angry that critics have failed to notice he is a true artist capable of crafting films of subtle beauty and complex character studies, the Transformers director uses all his connections to make sure he gets the gig and prove once and for all that he’s a man of artistic integrity, goddamn!
Bay declares his mission accomplished because, in between the action scenes of Even Stevens being chased by aliens who believe his red hunting cap to be the key to their existence, there’s a couple of close up shots of him frowning, deep in concentration no less.
6. Noah Baumbach and Jesse Eisenberg/Emile Hirsch
Like he did with his debut The Squid And The Whale, Baumbach presents a touching, funny and yet not overly sentimental portrayal of adolescent anger at parental betrayal, feelings of alienation, and wrangling with burgeoning sexuality in a teenage New York boy. Hang on. This might actually not be such a bad idea. Though Eisenberg and Hirsch are both in their mid-twenties, too old perhaps even with their baby faces?
