Everyone knows that La Roux make foundations for ace remixer types to go to work on rather than producing pop songs to be appreciated in their primary form. (They also have the sort of grammatically incorrect name that never fails to infuriate my pedantic little mind.)*
But have you ever wondered which remix is scientifically proven to be the best in terms of how much better it is compared to the original source material? You haven’t? Well, here’s a load of top professional graph type things what I done to show you anyway.
DISCLAIMER: These graphs were going to look more impressive than they do but my simple brain was baffled when confronted with the seemingly myriad columns and mathematical widgets of Excel. The results are still 100% scientifically proven fact though.
All tracks are rated out of 10. The ratings of the remixes are then compared to this of the original.
QUICKSAND
ORIGINAL: 0.5/10
WHATEVERWHATEVER: 7.5/10
ALEX METRIC: 7.5/10
BOY 8 BIT: 7.5/10
MAD DECENT: 4/10
AUTOKRATZ: 5/10
CHATEAU MARMONT: 6.5/10
Whateverwhatever most improves on ‘Quicksand’. The remix is 16 times better than the original.
IN FOR THE KILL
ORIGINAL: 4/10
SKREAM: 9/10
THE TWELVES: 6/10
TEK STEP: 5/10
Skream most improves on ‘In For The Kill’. His Let’s Get Ravey remix is 2.25 times better than the original.
BULLETPROOF
ORIGINAL: 5/10
NACEY ft. Matt Hemerlein: 8/10
STICKY K: 7.5/10
CJJ: 8.25/10
GASHUPS: 7/10
REDIAL: 8/10
LARRY TEE & ALEXANDER TECHNIQUE: 6/10
ELECTROLIGHTZ: 6/10
FRED FALKE: 7.5/10
FOAMO: 8/10
ZINC: 7/10
COPYCAT ITALO: 8/10
LAPSE: 7.5/10
RELIGION: 7.5/10
CJJ most improves on ‘Bulletproof’. The remix is 1.65 times better than the original.
I’M NOT YOUR TOY
ORIGINAL: 7/10
NERO: 7/10
DATA: 8/10
JACK BEATS: 7/10
Data is the only remix to improve ‘I’m Not Your Toy. The remix is 1.something times better than the original. ‘I’m Not Your Toy’ ain’t that bad then… According to science.
So, in conclusion, though overall the Skream remix is the best song with 9/10, in terms of which remix has most improved the original track the winner is WhateverWhatever, whose remix is sixteen times better than the radio edit of ‘Quicksand’.
This is largely due to the fact that the song in question is in fact a cover of ‘When Doves Cry’ that La Roux have murdered and outrageously tried to pass off as their own creation! It is the sonic equivalent of the south London electro-pop duo actually kidnapping Prince and beating him up to within an inch of his life, but making sure he’s still recognisably the Purple One, though now with added purple on those razor sharp cheek bones.
Then, wheeling his feeble frame on stage with claims that, “No! It’s not Prince. It’s the new member of La Roux. La Violet!” Still, at least the gender confusing moniker would suit one of the world’s greatest androgynous pop stars.
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* Right, quick French grammar lesson for those non-francophones. Le roux means red haired male in French. La rousse means red haired female. So ‘La Roux’ is grammatically incorrect as it is a mixture of the female definite article ‘la’ with the male noun ‘roux’. Yes, I am aware that this melange of genders could have been chosen to reflect the fact that ‘La Roux’ are a male/female duo and that ‘la roux’ is actually more aurally pleasing than any other grammatically correct or incorrect combination of ‘le’ or ‘la’ and ‘roux’ or ‘rousse’. But, in the same vein that the lyrics ‘If there’s any justice in the world I would be your man and you would be my girl’ from ‘If there’s any justice’ by Lemar (best UK r’n’b single of the decade for my money) grind my grammatical gears, so does ‘La Roux’.
